Alligators and Icebergs

I like you, from time to time have been caught in the ineffective communication vortex by being accused and labeled wrongfully. Simply put we are all at some point misunderstood or worse labeled by others unsuspectingly. Invariably sometimes we can give off the wrong impression to people when we communicate that is 180 degrees in the opposite direction of what we are trying to convey. However, ignorance is bliss until it comes back on you. Alligators and Icebergs also have one thing in common, you cannot sometimes see how big or dangerous they are… The same holds true with communication gaps. I am afraid we all have and will experience this discomfort again and again. So what do we do? Screaming iceberg ahead may be too late, but you can engage in thoughtful direct communication when situational ambiguity exists. When hard situational positions exist from other individuals or groups, open-ended communication can advance communication and turn the table. To refine your overall presentation, we must mirror the audience with these nuances in mind. Thinking optimistically about common ground, sharing I feel I have given the wrong impression or my actions, or word choice was poor can serve as your bridge for advancement. Of course, this strategy works best when you believe it… but if you are trying to neutralize negative consequences then precise intentional ambiguity is your only crutch. Sometimes we are not fully informed and our communication is the result of the premature reaction. Never stop discovering to be safe from consequences that are not in clear view.

When you accept other parties changing mutually agreed upon soft positions you are feeding the Alligator by hand. As I mentioned decision-makers can be ill-informed and go through a process of revelation, but it is important to witness or understand the evolution of the decision before acceptance. Intentionally ambiguity is often necessary for basic communication and this happens every day in the discourse of discussing simplistic communication about sex, religion, and politics… every audience can present a host of hard and soft positions on the subject matter when communicating. When my wife says how does this dress look on me… there is typically only one first acceptable response, “Great!” Luckily my wife is sophisticated enough to hold me accountable for what I did not say… with the quick comment at the end of the night “how could you let me wear that…” Finding what we agree on and using that as a staging area for advancing dialog is essential. Difficult situations always need to be diffused. Always follow with a reasonable alternative… my failure in the simple example was not pointing the common ground better alternative.

“I think your blue dress looks fantastic as well.” Remember optimism and common points of agreement within your situational communication is key to success. Nevertheless, it is best to have your integrity intact, so it never pays to be deceitful.